Toxic Relationships

Are you someone who wonders, “How did I get into this relationship in the first place?”

Some relationships are like that, because they are toxic.

Recently, I have been observing current and past relationships in which one spouse dominates the other, in a toxic way.

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Submission

In the Christian community, men like to through the word submission around to mean many different things.

What it is actually talking about is “humble obedience” on the part of the married woman, in the marriage. It is a choice she makes, not a weapon for the man to use against her.

I know there is the stigma only men are abusive, and women can be too. But this post is directly talking about three real-life examples I have recently observed.

With that said, I do believe submission is important in a marriage, but not to the point of killing the essence of who God created the wife to be.

Her unique beauty, gifts, passions, goals, etc. She is just as much a magnificent creation of God, and should be treated as such.

What the Bible Says…

God calls husbands to lay down their lives for their wives, just as Christ has done for the church (Eph. 5:25). This puts submission into it’s true intent, to submit to Christ, and to each other (Eph. 5:21), as Christ did for us, as the body of Christ.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.“
Ephesians 5:15-30 ESV

Now that we have looked at what God says in His word about this, let’s get to the heart of the issue.

Why Toxic?

Toxic relationships exist because of one thing – sin. Pride, selfishness, power struggle, pornography, abuse, neglect, gossip, refusing to meet the needs of your spouse or family, for your own selfish gain, etc.
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The list of sins is endless, and so is the number of toxic relationships out there.

If you are in a toxic relationship, whether it be a dating or married relationship, you are not alone. But you are not doing yourself or your spouse any favors by staying quiet about it.
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Whether it be verbal, mental, emotional, physical, sexual abuse, or neglect, it is toxic.

Abuse is NEVER Okay

God never wants people to get hurt, even if they have made a covenant with one another in marriage.
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Abuse should never be tolerated, and is never deserved by the victim. If you are made to feel like everything is your fault – you are in a toxic relationship. Please get help before it turns into more severe abuse.

Don’t let yourself be isolated!!!!!

This is the first step controlling abusers take before they really show their true colors. That way, the victim doesn’t feel like they have a way out – which isn’t true, but the abuser wants them to believe it whole-heartedly.

Keep your friends close and your family! If they disapprove of your relationship, there is probably a good reason for it.

LISTEN!!!!! Don’t tune them out!!!!!

The three examples I am referring to, (two currently married, one now divorced) wouldn’t listen. They rushed into their marriages, allowed themselves to be isolated, and have kept silent…suffering in silence…

Real-Life Story

Let me tell you another story. There was a lady I used to know, from Mexico. She was married and had two sons. For years, she suffered abuse from her husband, and eventually fled to the U.S.A., with her sons, for safety.

However, she never divorced. She stayed separated for seven years. Do you know what God did? He restored their marriage! The husband became a Christian and their marriage was restored, and she forgave him.

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This is possible, but no, this does not happen for everyone.

I include this real-life example, because so many people are quick to divorce, because they crave another relationship to fill the void of the last one.

God does address these issues, yes.